"Remember the Sweet Things"

"You are blessed. You are one of the lucky few. Don't be so greedy as to expect more gifts than the ones you have already been given."

Challenger

I just started to chiken out what I actually am going to do...


I don't know if it's going to work out or not.


But whenever I go on the next step, which sometimes look impossible to do, I see what' lacking me.


Of course when the next step is too high or I'm down mentally, I usually get knocked out.

But most of the time I'm a challenger.

"I never get beaten!!"


I'm happy with being a challenger.

But I want to believe myself more, to be honest.


It needs a long curement, maybe.


Oh, I need to get a book habit. I think reading books is the best way to gain knowledge, new words, new pespectives and good practice for reading any academic essays and writing.


We need input. and out put.


Interesting..

headache

Today I got a phone call from my friend in Japan. It was nice to talk with her.

She worrried about me being alone in here..

It is great that there are some people who know that I often feel lonely and weak at heart.



Being independent is admirable maybe, but sometimes to depend is needed.


I have been reading/watching two stories about the middle age women getting married.


One is called "Something's gotta give" a movie.
The main character is a productive, successful playwriter, who has divorced after long marriage. She met her daughter's boyfriend, quaint old guy, who has had a lot of affairs with young women. They met, and fell in love and broke up. She has been like a guy, macho, strong woman. He called her "flinty."

When she noticed she was heartbroken, she continued crying days after days..
like an adolecent girl, who just has been broken by her first love...(Actually she is around fifty or something)


Another story, a book, is called "Remember the Sweet Things." I haven't finished reading this book yet, but it seems a true story about the auther. She has divorced twice, being a single mother herself raising two kids. She has had such a dramas with the two ex-husbands, but she ended up with her boss at her new work place. This woman, too, has been so independent, slipping her femininity..isn't it so nice that she's been keeping track of what her husband has done for her and making a list of it, to give the list on Valentine's day? People tend to remember only what they have done to someone else, or what they have been done most of the time which was annoying to them.


These days, I've been enjoying movies and books in English. The more I read, the more I find in there, new words, new interpretations, new perspectives..


Today I baked bagels but it didn't go well, since I misunderstood Celsius and Fahrenheit...I try another one tomorrow morning.

Good night!

Movie..

Today I watched "Catch me if you can" with my friend.

Leonard Decaprio and Tom Hanks..I like both!!

This is a story about one fugitive criminal who keeps forging checks, chased by the FBI.

The main character, Frank, started to pretend to be someone, like a pilot, a lawer, and a doctor, because he wanted to make big money for his father.

He must be a good boy for his father. He was lonely...

It was impressive he gave up escaping when he was told nobody would chase him. It might be easy to live in the lies, but nobody cannot escape from him/herself.





I ate Indian curry today, and Korean curry yesterday. What kind of curry am I going to eat tomorrow?

Today!!

I hung out with my friends today...it had been several days since I talked and socialized with people last time...hah


Anyway it was fun but exhausting. Maybe because I woke up around 7am to bake cinamon roll. It was good. I didn't know that it doesn't take more than an hour to bake it. It's so easy..

We shared a lot of stuff with youtube. Now youtube is an important tool for sharing your culture. Through music clips, you see the culture underneath its country.

Language, fashion, trend, clothes, appearences.

Especially you will see what kind of people are popular in that country.


Skinny? Dyed hair? Big eyes?


I was so motivated by Korean stars with so skinny body shape. They are appalling skinny with long arms and legs!


I don't know about my plans for tomorrow. Maybe catching up the behind schedule?

Resume

I haven't updated my blog for a while.


I didn't have a terrible life but not a specutacular life either..


The good thing of being an international student is there is no end.


The goal is out of my sight, even though I'm sure of aproaching it little by little, which I sometimes notice.


I decided to stay in the states for this break, and I'm going to study English again..but I'd love to do that, actually! (It sounds so bad to some of people)

I guess it will be my best investment for my future. I want to be a native speaker. That was my goal, and even for today.


To do success in this project, I decided to start over this blog, in order to improve my "outputting" what I have learned.

Anyway, today is done, and I'm so excited about tomorrow!!

My friends are going to come over and make some foods!

Before their arrival, I'm going to bake something, hihi

See you!

Let's write something good.

Yesterday, for the first time, I visited a public library close to my apartment. I had never been to a public library in the states.


I was startled!! SO MANY BOOKS and DVDS!!


First, you step in the library and see a coffee shop!! Wow

Next, it seems everything is done by computers. You can check out books by yourself.

Kids' courner. Colorful interior and some computers available to children. I assume those are free from deteriomental websites.

Upstairs. You see some books allocated here and there. On the left side, you see a large computer lab.




And I found out the English books have a nice binding. I really love how they are bound up.

Design is....it stimulates my imagination. I even cannot but take it on my hands and take a look inside the book.


I resist not taking anybooks in the library...since I don't have time for reading books. I give up. But I borrow some books next time.




Today I worked at the Int'l Bazaar....opps, I wanna talk about this, but it's time to go to bed!

See you, good night!!:))

Sushi workshop

Today I went to sushi workshop that one of Japanese groups had at the university.


It was really fun!! I rolled several of sushi. I invited my friendship family to the workshop, and they were really enjoying it. I'm so happy to have such a nice family in the states.


These I've been wondring what I'm going to do this summer. There are so many options.


"Winding Road" by Ayaka and Kobukuro

I don't know how, but while I was listening to it, I came up with going to Africa, where I was avoiding going. I thought it was impossible to go there, somehow. I misunderstood it.

The lyric really makes me think, about what I really want to do.

My road in front of me is winding, but I'm sure that I can make it to the road as long as I don't lose the sight.


I'm so excited about going back home within one month!


"I believe myself..." by Ayaka

Punpkin!

There has been leftover pumpkin for a while, so I decided to cook pumpkin. I don't know the dish's name, but I cooked something that my Mom often cooks.

First, you cut the pumpkin into small pieces, and boil it in seasoned water until all the water get evapolated. I burn it a little bit, but it tastes good:)



I'm a little bit tired today..since I worked at my organization for the whole day. I didn't expect it would last that long..just so tired.




I have decided to go on my pace...It is my opinion, but I think people are given a certain amount of something...that I cannot explain well.


I don't wanna get TOO tired because when I am not energetic, I lose something important that I cannot explain well.


It's really obscure, but I don't wanna clarify it. I think sometimes there is some sort of beauty in unclearness.. lol


So sometimes it is important to be lazy and get charged for the next day.


I really like this word: Today is tomorrow's treasure.


We cannot change the past. So I give up on the things that happened in the past. I wanna look forward. Then I can go to my goal.


It was good pumpkin:) Gochiso-sama!!

Get pumped

Well, I have written some aggressive diaries, but I'd like to change the course and will be friendly to readers. (Since sometimes it is hard to follow and understand what I think, right? Me too.)


Today, I happend to see something that would depress me. Probably it's the things that other people will feel sorry for me. But for me...I was pumped!! I was so happy!! I'm just so glad that I bumped into some walls that I can overcome. I think this has some meanings to me later...it is very easy to say something negative and depressive. But I think it is much more meaningful to accept the reality and take it in a good way. I really love this process.


Well, actually it is not that big problem to talk about...hah it is very minor.


I kind of feel tired these days. Maybe I should take a rest.


Yesterday is for today, today is for tomorrow.


:)

observation

Today I visited an elementary school where I did a presentation about my country. They had a finale for the internationl learning for the past month.


I just realized how different kids and adults are. I actually compare them with myself...I think I became an adult quicker than I should have been.


They are so honest. and so flexible. They are so instinctive.


They are not thinking about profits...like as I do..

They know how to enjoy themselves. So creative.

They know how to live. So energetic.

I think everyone has some special gift when they are kids. But as they grow up, they forget or are lost.


I just cannot believe that adults and kids are the same creatures.


I wanna keep my "kid's heart" that I probably still have some of.



They have anything important. For me.

What is most enjoyable to you?

I think expressing myself is really essential to know what I'm thinking in my mind. Some people don't know even what they think. They are so docile.


I think listening to my voice is so important as listening to other people. But still listening to other people is more harder. Just I think that unhappy people cannot make somebody else happy.


Anyway, I have been thinking about my future job these days.

The last thing I will do is to work for money. I like money, and that is important to our life, but this is the system that we made by banking system.


I love this quote from "The Little Prince": Anything essential is invisible to the eyes.

I love him soooooo much:))


I think children have so many things essential to our life. However, as we grow up, we forget them.


I want to keep them in my heart:))

Let''s have fun and enjoyable week!!

balance..

It seems that I haven't writen my blog for a while... I had a busy days last week.

I slacked off my study two weeks ago, and that debt suffered me last week, with busy schedule.

I'm kind of feeling tired now. I assume this is a premonition of a cold.. I've got to take care of myself.




I do like to think about philisological things, which is totally discreet to my major.

For me, everything seems interconnected with each other.
People, time, and everything..everything is connected.

It is kind of embarrassing to say, but I think life is how to learn to love things and people.

To love does not mean to derive something, but to give.

We don't have to worry about how to get something. Everything is given already. It is up to you if you notice it or not. Time, people, yourself...
And if you listen to your voice. Dreams come true.

So for me, it is so important to notice and utilize the things I'm given.

But, other people are myself, too, so I think I should not ignore myself. I need to listen to others and appreciate them. But I don't forget to listen to my heart, too.

I want to adore my past, too, so I want to respect my past self. Also I want to respect my future self, too. I want to adore other people, too, to love myself, in order to love other people.

Actually it is really hard to do, but...probably everything is going to be okay.
If I fait, I can learn. Balancing is sooooooo important to me!!


Anyway, I want to recognize the things I'm given, and adore them, saying thank you!

That's why I want to spend every day with care. I don't want to dump my past, future, my friends' and my family help. I'm given always.


This is my ideal and my goal.


And I'm so happy to be able to think about this now!!!

:))

On Halloween day...

Yesterday, I dressed up myself, and enjoyed the pre-Halloween day. I watched the homecoming parade on the main street on campus, and got to see Pep ralley. It was so cold, but fun fun fun!!

I have heard that people need civilized time and party time. Civilized time is known as to "study" or "behave yourself." Human has civilized from animals, so they need to relieve their stress from civilization. Otherwise, their bearance would have a large explosion. Anyway, we need to switch on and off.

I went to a house party last night, and that party happend to be the same place I went last year!! I really didn't know that until I got there.

Even though I had been there and the house was decorated almost in the same way, I felt so different from last year.

I felt so different about English, and people. I felt much comfortable in talking to people in English. I was not afraid at all.

So, it was a kind of interesting experience.






These days, I was being depressed. Not depressed, but wondering. About my future goal and the reason why I do want to be better and better.


I curtail the explanation about how I got to think so, but I thought "I live by myself." It is so arrogant. I know.

But since I was not confident about my identity, I suddenly hated myself being so dependent on other people. As you can read my diary a few days ago, I wanted to listen to myself. And I wanted to deny other people's opinion, saying, "It's not what I think! I must have my own thought!" How arrogant.


And I also remebered my past in which I was so dependent on other people. But now I think it was just mirage. I think I can interpret my past in any way.


Now I've found myself. For the first time, I didn't want to be other people.
I'm so glad that I'm different from them.

Other people are so important to me. Without them, I wouldn't be here. People have a great potential in them. I do have it, too. So, I want to get helped by other people and influence each other. In my opinion, every one and every thing is interconnected and interdependent to each other.


But I do not want to go this way too further because I don't want to tie myself to one extreme thought and lose myself.


Anything needs to be balanced. Little by little. I want to be more stable.


Well, I think I should study....!

Anyway, I feel so much better now.

:)

Pleasant

I want to do something to please my heart.

I feel so good when I believe in something so strongly.

It is joyous to think about tomorrow. We have today for tomorrow.

I feel so content when I achieve something hard as if I look down the good scenery and the path from the top of the mountain.

I feel blessed when I think I was given so many things from other people and surroundings and I am lived for something.

I feel so good when I get done with the things I'm supposed to do on that day.

Of course, I feel my heart hopping when someone praises me. I know that this shouldn't be the number one reason for everything, because people change and nobody has the same opinion...(I think I should think about this later)

I want to maximize my acceptability and possibility, and interpret things in a good way, positive way.


Everything is okay, and going to continue to be okay.

Let's write something.

Since I don't know what I'm thinking about now, so just let's write down here.

I like talkiing with people. I like communication with others. But when I cannot say what I'm thinking and just put it in my mind, I lose the confidnce. It's so simple.

Second, I think I am kind of intimidated now. Maybe I could not say at the meeting earlier.


but everthing is gonna be okay. okay.




Today was one of beautiful days in the fall! So good weather that I even gave up studying and went outside with a book.

I didn't want to miss this good weather. There were several people where I usually have mediation. haha. (That is my secret place on campus, but as long s there are some people, I cannot say that is my own place)

The good thing is I don't have any test this week and can prepare for busy days to come next several weeks.

Actually I'm not sure how much I'm gonna be busy since I just know that I'm gonna have two presentations.


Now, I'm putting myself together.


I'm seeking the answer for a long time. Sometimes I deny my old anwser and renew it to the new one, but I delete it later.

What's happening is I kind of intergrade all my thinking. And test the answer if that is true.


Other people are mirror to me.

When I think, "She is kinda...rude," I might have some rudeness to people.


"I don't like them" Then, I don't like myself.

The vice versa,

"She is so nice!!" Then I might have a possibility of possesing her attraction.

"Listen to me!" Then I probably do not listen to others. Or I don't listen to myself.

So I reflect other people.



I think I don't have to deny my thought. I just believe myself. my answers. That's why I'm kind of intimidated now.


I like those of my words

"Do not forget the blessings given to me. Do not forget to give out those blessings"



I don't wanna depend on people. That's what I used to think until last year.

And I realized the importance of other people.

Dependent.

Independent.

I'm swaying between two ideas.

My ideal is so called "interdependent."


Maybe I've written too long today.

Let's stop here.


Just believe everything is gonna be okay!!
:)

The outset of the week

I didn't go outside today, and I don't have any rash tonight! I was so afraid of that after the dinner.

Now I know pollun is major criminal for the rash. After I knew that rash sometimes occurs from stress. I got stressed out.


Knowing that I'm stressed is more stressful than the stress itself.


Anyway, this week I don't have any test. So I wanna make this week meaningful in a way for renewing my lifestyle.

"The early bird catches the worm"

I hope this proverb is true. As far as the past few weeks in which I tried this, I think this is true.


It's a little bit early, but I'll go to sleep soon and have a good week from tomorrow.

:)

This week..

I don't know why, but I feel last week was soooo long!! Probably it is because I had two tests and twice visitings to the elementary school. It was a blast!!


How cute the child's smile was!! She just gave out a smile, not expecting any return.


I just thought that how much people change from their childhood. So, just the past is the past. I don't mean that people change completely, because the "object" itself does not change. And we act based on what we learned in the past.

Anyway, I think I should go to bed now. The rash just suffers me at night.

I hope tomorrow's going to be a better day than today.

Listen to your heart...

Open your heart, and listen to your heart.


I wanna do something that I want to do, not the things people expect me to do.


Listen to my heart, and know what I want to do.


Open to all possibilities.


I've been oppressing my inner voice for a long time. I considered that I was always wrong and inferior to others. But everyone is so precious. Equal.


Nothing is too late. People change every day. At least I change everyday. My deep side won't change, but my thought changes day to day. Is this right? No, then how about this?

No one knows what is right. Just I know what is right to me.


Digging my deep mind, now I don't know what I want to do in my future. Now I'm standing at the start line. But I think this is not wrong. Every day is a different day, so I can reset my goal anytime.


It looks like I'm taking a detour, but I believe this is a short way in my long life.

Let's see what's gonna happen next. Unpredictable.

I really didn't mean to write this kind of stuff at first when I made this blog, but I like the way it changed.

Psychology.

I have never taken this class, but I think psychology is really interesting and important to your life. I hear parenting is so important to form your character. How much you trust people or how much you can love others and be loved by them are determined by how you were raised.


But nobody has the same developing process and environment. Nothing cannot be said in one word, and you can change your character later in you life; otherwise people and society would be much more serious about raising children.

The last week was so just terrible, but so productive.

I realized how important to keep in good shape. I do need to think about "good life" and "efficient way to study"


Just two more months. I would like to bring back something important with me.

I had a good weekend and I can work hard until next weekend!!


Thank you so much, everybody.
:)

Shortly...

I recovered from being sick, and I talked a lot for the first time since I felt so sick. I just realized that I cannot stat at home that long.




I like to dig my heart deep and think about what caused me to do that action, or what made me this character. It is so interesting to think about the past and its effect now.



What do you want to be?? What is you? What do you want to do? That's the question that runs around in my heart.


I think of thoes answers later, since I've been piled over by so many stuff.

Anyways, let's go to sleep.


Good luck tomorow on myself! Pretty exciting.
:)

cold...

It seems that I should sleep at least 7 hours. And I need one hour before the retirement for blogging, reading books and calming myself down. If I cannot get the day done, I have to give up it. It is my responsibility.........


Recently, I have been watching Japanse TV dramas. My old policy was not to go back to Japanese comteporary culture, but I think I like Japanese TV dramas better than American dramas. Sometimes a Japanese drama is way corney, and I cannot but laught it out, but it teaches me something important. Maybe American dramas teach me something good too, but I haven't watched a good one. Most of them are funny, like Full House or Friends, but sometimes they are so serious.

The one I started watching one month ago is my favorite. The main character is honest, positive and friendly. She is so earnest and believes in herself and other people. Her attitude always strikes me in each episode.


I caught a little cold today, out of sudden. My throat hurts a little. So, after I came back home, I gargle, wear a mask, and keep myself warm. I cannot worsen it. This week is so important to me. Hope I feel better tomorrow.

"Today is tomorrow's treasure."


:)

Future

These days I've been thinking of making a postcard. Picking up the red and yellow pretty leaves, you can make dried leaves with them and put them on the pulp that is made from milk carten or whatever works. And you dry that pulp shaped square. Many Japanese children make these hand-made postcard for their summer assignment. The other day, I picked two red maple leaves with the stem, but I just left them on the desk, and now they are kind of dry and very fragile.


I have an important test on Thursday. I had to read the textbook for 100 pages, but I couldn't. Very sad. But I figured out that the way I read was really unefficient and boring. Maybe I became less motivated. I need a clear and big vision that would keep me awake!!


I think good imagination brings about a good result. To reach out to the marvelous future, I try to do hard.



I think there are tons of topics I wanna write down, but I just leave them in my mind.



I like writing. I don't keep daily, but I have two notebooks and post-its. I like writing. After the write, I can forget what I thought. Very convenient. Actually I don't read back this blog that often...just keep writing. Maybe someday I would be so embarrassed with what I have written. haha.



So stable.


Let's go to sleep...Tomorrow is another day:)

The weakest point is the strongest point

Sometimes it is hard to accept one's weak point, no matter that is other's or yours. But I think that weak point could be the strongest point to that person. And it makes him or her unique.


Every person is given an advantage and disadvantage. For example, as for me, I was born relatively naive, in other words, sensitive. I might have been born so by nature or that characteristic might have been build up as I grew up. It might be because of my DNA or the environment in which I grew up. But maybe people can change with just a few commitments or decisions. Accepting and showing my weakness is hard, but that is true and it has the largest potential to change me and support me.


So I decided not to conceal me with armors. Just treating my weakness with care because that is not a bad thing. That is my characteristic.





It is easier said than done.

Let's finish my routine and go to bed. I have tomorrow.

:)

Well...

I found out that actually I can try not to be busy. It's a matter of my mentality.


It was a good day this morning, but it turned out to be rainy. I headed off thirty minutes earlier than usual and took a walk around the campus. The trees are starting changing the color of leaves. And the sky was so blue. I think I refreshed a lot with just a little time of relaxing. I've been busy these days (or I was too lazy to compress the time for studying). But sometimes I need to take a break.

Today I read an article on the Internet about a woman who runs a company. (I forgot what kind of company that was) She is a morning person. She did not recommand to have a morning life too much, but she said that she ended up with having a morning life when she was looking for the best way to keep herself best and happiest. Lack of sleep cannot be an excuse for a bad performance at work.

Maybe it is one of fun to have lazy life. But I know that my life is limited. The things I can do are restrained by time.


Time is so mysterious. Time makes us forget things. Time heals the hurt. Over time people die. Over time relationships are being build.
Over time people change. A moment before, I was a different person. Every moment I'm changing. I hope so.


:)))

Before I forget.

Well, I haven't written for 6 days? As I said, the last week was the busiest week. I think I shouldn't say "I'm busy." Sometimes maybe I'll get really really busy, but this busy days could have been solved just by efficiency or consentration.

I'll try not to say "I'm busy." Do get over by studying and managing time well. I don't wanna skip my routines, and I also look as if I take easy.


Put this aside, I watched a shocking documentary movie today. That is about a genocide in Sudan. People get around toward the one side of the country to get food and refuge.

It was just so horroble. The people are afraid of being shot, beaten and raped. They lost their family. A woman even committed to join the rebellion army. As a woman, I just couldn't imagine that women took guns and practice and looked for a chance to revenge for their family killed.


Every issue around me looked so trivial. They are suffering from unjustice, unfairness and fear of being killed.

How about me?

I'm just wondering what to do or what to say in front of other people. I know that is important to me, but I need to know about the other world. Consindering about the people who are in situations in which I never am in, I don't have to think about myself too much.





By tonight, I have to write a short reading response about Shakespeare's poem. I need to get the meaing of the poem by myself, but I asked Google for help:)

Anyway, it was a good and deep one. "Let me not to the marriage of true minds"

In short, it says that true love shouldn't change over time. I don't know well about that kind of stuff, it just made me curious. Someday I hope I will know before I die.


Let's get everything done before the clock tells me tomorrow.



Everything is going to be fine.
:)

Sleepy...

Now I've been studying without almost any sleep. (I just took an one-hour nap) As my policy, I usually don't study overnight because I think that is inefficient for studying.

This time, it was not compulsory, just I wanted to get this done. Maybe I could have done not so much that I can take an A on the quiz. It was my interest. And I think it's amazing to me that I could keep awake with two cups of coffee for 23 hours. Clap!!

I'm writing the blog because my finger hurts from griping the pen for a long time. I have 6 hours until the class starts... OMG!!


So many good things are happening around me. Each of them is a small happiness, but when I collect them, it becomes great amount of happiness. Happiness is relative to the normal condition, and it's based on how you interpret it. Nothing is wastful.

Gradually I'm understanding what is happening to me, and accepting the fact. I don't have to compare with other people.


I cannot book the airline tickets yet. I should've had called the agency sooner. Too late.

I wanna speak English more. Sometimes it bothers me to switch my language. It's not because I'm fluent in English, but because I tried to speak English and so my brain tends to make English sesnteces unwittingly.

Oh well, I'm not sure if I can study English today...I will do that anytime today, but I'm not sure it's gonna be before the class or just before going to sleep.

Time to go back to study. Actually I have tons of things that I want to write down, but next time...


Everything is going to be fine!! Focus on achieving my goal!!

:)

Yappy!

Well, I had a productive day!! So beautiful outside, I lay down on the grass under the cloudless sky with the autumn wind..!! I love fall!!


I was so down yesterday and today, but I came back to be normal, or more than that! Having a rough period is not a disappointing thing, because I can feel happy comparing that depression.

Happiness and unhappiness are measured relatively. But I'd like to keep being happy without big up-and-downs.


Maybe I don't have to worry about anything.

The things happen because they bring about some positive effects.

If I think I just encounter good things, all the things that I encounter turn out to be good things.




One more.

Studying is my duty. I want to make it a habit to study hard. I can do it, if I do.


Another thing.

Someone's words; I'm falling in love with my life.


Smile!!! Thank you!!
:D

I wish tomorrow is gonna be a happier day.

Slightly different

My favorite words.

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning." Maybe it is tiresome to keep asking yourself, "what is the truth?"

I have been asking myself two or three things, depending on how I feel then. But everytime I ask those questions, I change the answers for those. Or the previous answers do not fit in what I feel then.

I don't want to write heavy things on here, so let's change the subjects.


The recent concern is about my lifestyle. I used to hate staying late at night, but I gradually scrape my ultimate...and now I'm used to having little sleep.
I'm in the vicious circle. Stay late. Get hungry. Eat. Sleep. The next day, feel tired and be lazy. Thanks to this, I've been expanding myself physically...

I'm not sure if it's gonna work, but let's try go to bed before the clock ticks the next day, and wake up around 6 or 7 and start studying. Maybe the important thing is to keep the time in track. Be aware that the time passes. Keep focusing and have time for relaxing myself.


Keep motivated.

I had a good day!!:)
Everything is gonna be okay.

Preserve

Yesterday it was such a beautiful day. Finally the autumn came here.

autumn+Friday afternoon+beautidul weather=my favorite

It's been raining for the last several days. Like the weather, my feelings have been going up and down. Yesterday, I skipped the daily practice. I think I should make some rules for my waking time and sleeping time. Since I realized that I can be late at night, the way I study has changed. The concentration does not last. I always get distracted by some notions or chores which I don't have to care about.

To catch up the slacking practices, I've got to study hard today and tomorrow. And discpline myself to keep doing the things.

I wanna make my weekends productive and relaxing... it might be difficult to avoid its conflicting.

So many things to do, but I have to let go of something to catch something else.
And keep it in my mind.

Destination?

Today, I went to Study Abroad Fair, where you can find many programs for studying abroad. I DO wanna go. I mean, I like being here, but I also wanna get out of here.

There were more than 20 booths. Some of them were held by the language departments of this school, some of them by other universities' program, and the others by studying abroad agencies. I took many flyers. Ummmm...it is hard to pick only one program.

England. Australia. New Zealand. Asia. Or the world. But anyway, the things that I do is determined.


Recently, my future goal has been getting clearer and clearer. It is weird, but rather I'm moving toward there, I'm being pulled by some forces. Or it might have been there for a long time. Maybe I didn't notice that has been there.



And I choose not to be sad. I choose to be happy and grateful. I don't lose my negative feelings.

I wanna settle down...I don't know why I've been keeping thinking that long. The reason I started thinking about my future is because of this. To get over it, I'm looking for something bright in the future. I think. Anyway, it's a good chance, isn't it?



I think I'm always given a good chance and people in a right timing. Even if something bad happens, that helps me in some way. It's just a matter of whether I notice it or not.

It is really good to have so many destinations, isn't it??

:)

2 and half years...

It is getting chilly.

Probably the autumn is coming. I love the fall. I love leaves turning red or yellow, and with the clear blue sky highlighting, it's gonna be so beautiful. Well, it's a little bit sad that I no longer can hang around outside.

I went to one of meetings which was held by an organization trying to have an activity associated with global organization, such as Red Cross or Human Habitat. That organization really interested me. As long as I have time, I'd like to participate in it actively. I didn't know that more than 24 million people are slaves in the world, which is more than 100 years ago. It might be a matter of the ratio though.

But anyway, what the president said to us remained in my heart. "College is where you learn." I passed the Japanese test that credits my language requirement, so I can graduate from here within 2 and half years!! That kind of scares me. Just 2 and half years? I would get thown away into the mature, complicated, and chaostic society? I'd get paid, but I'll have a responsibility for my job, and I am also responsible for my life. The food. The living. These are not the only things to be considered. I'll also finish studying!! Does it sound cool?? Yeah, partly, but I cannot study in class. Even if I get inerested in some subject, I have to study it on my own. I'm interested in German modern history, Latin, psychology, that kind of stuff. I mean, if I'm really interested in those, I should study by myself. but...

It's all my responsibility.

I think I rely too much on school. Thanks, my old schools and teachers. I'll teach myself 2 and half years later...


2 and half years.

So I decided to experience as much as I can here, at college, not only the study, but also something important as an independent person, like socializing or knowing better about myself.

It should be so short. The college is where you learn. (Throughout the life, you continue learning, I guess.)



The western sky at the sunset was so beautiful and red. It was like the clouds were holding the redness of the sky as if something were burning out there. I wanted to take a picture of it, but I didn't have a camara, and by then I went back home, it's already got dark. I should have a camera with me all the time!

:P

First...

I suddenly came up with having my own blog. Even I was busy with my study tonight, and I really don't like stay late at night...Actually I have a bunch of stuff to do!!

Strange to say, I don't know what to write here. haha. It sometimes happens to me. Whenever I'm not in there, I wanna do something. When I am in class, I do think I have to study for the class at home and I'm so enthusiastic about that. But After I go back home, it goes away somewhere. Easy to get bored. Or easy to get distracted.

Anyway, I have been sitting at the desk for more than 4 hours, but the actual time I study for was...manybe two hours? Since I have a laptop just in front of me, it attracts me a lot. I study, but sometimes my mind is not there. Out of sudden, an idea comes up to me, and it forces me to search something in the Internet.

My goal: to make my room where I have to study. To keep motivated. Don't forget the things I came up with five days ago.


I think I just should stop here today, and go back to study...
Just writing English frees stress.


Today was a good day! Smile:)