On Halloween day...

Yesterday, I dressed up myself, and enjoyed the pre-Halloween day. I watched the homecoming parade on the main street on campus, and got to see Pep ralley. It was so cold, but fun fun fun!!

I have heard that people need civilized time and party time. Civilized time is known as to "study" or "behave yourself." Human has civilized from animals, so they need to relieve their stress from civilization. Otherwise, their bearance would have a large explosion. Anyway, we need to switch on and off.

I went to a house party last night, and that party happend to be the same place I went last year!! I really didn't know that until I got there.

Even though I had been there and the house was decorated almost in the same way, I felt so different from last year.

I felt so different about English, and people. I felt much comfortable in talking to people in English. I was not afraid at all.

So, it was a kind of interesting experience.






These days, I was being depressed. Not depressed, but wondering. About my future goal and the reason why I do want to be better and better.


I curtail the explanation about how I got to think so, but I thought "I live by myself." It is so arrogant. I know.

But since I was not confident about my identity, I suddenly hated myself being so dependent on other people. As you can read my diary a few days ago, I wanted to listen to myself. And I wanted to deny other people's opinion, saying, "It's not what I think! I must have my own thought!" How arrogant.


And I also remebered my past in which I was so dependent on other people. But now I think it was just mirage. I think I can interpret my past in any way.


Now I've found myself. For the first time, I didn't want to be other people.
I'm so glad that I'm different from them.

Other people are so important to me. Without them, I wouldn't be here. People have a great potential in them. I do have it, too. So, I want to get helped by other people and influence each other. In my opinion, every one and every thing is interconnected and interdependent to each other.


But I do not want to go this way too further because I don't want to tie myself to one extreme thought and lose myself.


Anything needs to be balanced. Little by little. I want to be more stable.


Well, I think I should study....!

Anyway, I feel so much better now.

:)